devoted2jesus

2007-03-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

2007-01-10T01:41:00.000-08:00

dear God,

fill my life with worship. i know you know me best. i'm not helping me. waiting upon you to renew my strength that i may not resist your peace. not going to work my own way out. your answer is on the way!

meanwhile, between the time now and till i become a wife (the date is Oct 13), teach me guide me mould me close me in!

the things of the world have grown strangely dim ...

2007-01-08T00:17:00.000-08:00

Verse for 2007:
In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. 2 Timothy 2:20-21

The old is gone, the new has come! I've never loved deleting stuff so much!!!

2006-12-19T15:38:00.000-08:00

2006-12-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

2006-11-12T20:10:00.000-08:00

See the light! See the light!!

Psalm 143-145
Great is the Lord and most worthy of our praise.

2006-11-12T05:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes somethings just past you by without a thought. How to catch the moment, seize the day and make it count? Can these moments just remain idle and pleasant without feeling a purpose has failed to purposed? God, can you just take control. I have acknowledged that some things are way beyond my ability, way beyond my control, way beyond my understanding, way beyond me. Do I want your sweet anointing to fill this place? To fill Your house. That it will be like it's supposed to be. You are near. I know You are. What more do You wish for me to learn? What it is I have to do? That one thing. To pray. Actually two things. Fast and pray.

Told Iris I'll write that one testimony. What would I write? What should I write even when my heart is burdened? Can I still say I rejoice in Your name? When the smile is harder to muster. When the times aren't as light as before? When the tears fall but for a different reason? When people's hearts are colder than before? When people have dwindled back into their shells? When a door is closed? When encouragement appears harder to find? When time slips away and so does Your Word? When a gap that is bridged breaks away. When friendships fade. When depth gives in to superficiality. When trying hard is not good enough. When Your strength gives in to own strength and not knowing the difference? When love collides. When vision dies. What's to be done? I do not know. There's no where else to go. I desire to run to You, to be bold, courageous and disciplined, not timid. To finish the 2006 race You've set for me and know it's completed as You've desired. But I don't really know. It's not my own race You know, as much as it is for others. It is TOGETHERNESS.

OK so what is that testimony.

Do I need to fast, pray, then see the miracle, then write.

Hmm that simple miracle.
That simple but dramatic miracle I received and understood and lived it like it is the one thing I believed with all my heart.
That Jesus is The One I love.
He died on the cross for me and purged all my sins.
He is near and hears me all the time.
With Him near, everything is joy, every situation I can see hope because He always has a way.
In a community where we know Jesus is our everything or have nothing at all.

I see it in people. Love that is rendered beyond duty.
I see it in Shuyan. In spite of all and above all, she will still seek You, and seek You, till she finds You and receives the inspired Word.
I see it in Iris. Loving people, caring for one another, doing her small bit but in big ways in the details.
I see it in Danny. The devotion and commitment to You and people, whether he feels like it or not.
I see it in Chua. Alot of it in Chua. From that moment You saved him, his love and loyalty shed in tears.
I see it in Sally. That little mighty warrior that guards Your peace so jealously and zealously.
I see it in Desmond. In desperation, even in his most nonsensical, in his weakness, he will let you take over.
I see it in Yong Qing. His dedication and cheerfulness in service.
I see it in John, Ricky and Caleb. Something to do with brotherhood and parenthood.
I think it's in many many many other people, in big and small ways.

God lead us to Your vision in power, passion, purpose and purity. Away from the locked up rooms in our houses.

2006-10-24T02:37:00.000-07:00

And to Shuyan THE TAGGER - I just want you to be a happy bride. And if I know what would make you happy, I'm sure God knows fully well =)

Cheers to the nExt ONe HunDreD and mORe to COmE.

2006-10-24T02:18:00.000-07:00

Hi blog, I wanna blog again. Miss ya loads!

I want to blog down my little moments and thoughts like I used to .. those silly small whimsical thoughts .. like love is like clouds, pure to behold but hard to grasp (ha spur of the moment). Or like the Down Syndrome case that I heard, or how the bus uncle shouted at me on the bus "What are you waiting for? Dreaming or what?" (so surreal like God talking to me and the next moment I heard the song "You had a bad day") ... or talking to Ps Tiak on the beach and the rush of emotions that came after, or going to watch Forbidden City with Danny ... or going to the Italian restaurant - the one with the funny waiter ... our little squabbles (but cannot coz it's private) ... his Dad making ginger in a jar ... our Ubin trip ... little Brian crying coz he thought his mom wouldn't pick him from the pick-up point (and she really did! i'm amazed at his prophesy!) ... about serious politics (act smart mah), world news ... my MOM - she removed the altar ... my reflections after the WTC movie (i learn alot from movies, what can i say, i'm a visual person). Our new CG people.
Most importantly, my thoughts about God and what He thinks of me =)
And thanking the important people in my life who makes a season and bearing with me.

You know, I think I either talk it out or write it out. I hardly do both. Some things cannot be repeated twice. It gets boring. Is this a serious mental problem?

God I want Your Word to once again spring up in me rivers of flowing waters so I will cease to worry. To Magnify You and Amplify You.

2006-08-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

So life has been a tad different ever since ...

In the midst of emotions and clouds in the head, was afraid my heart that's 100% dependable on Jesus would come down unguarded. In all of my walk, I've been told to guard my heart and mind in Jesus Christ. Suddenly, I'm supposed to open up my heart and face the prospect of depending a part of it on someone else. Didn't know how to do it properly or cushion the guilt - making sure I'm not losing sight of my master. If that someone can make me feel so well-loved and secure, I wouldn't run to Jesus so much anymore would I? I'm not used to comfort zone, I need the unexpectancy. I'm used to living in utmost pain and pure joy. I need a reason to run back to my source. There's really none who can compare to Jesus. Sheez .. another turning point to grow up. Wishy washy me. All said, I truly appreciate God's providence. He truly takes care of my every need by providing someone who can. I wonder how, I wonder why, yesterday You told me You will make everything beautiful in Your own time. You can make everything crystal clear yet mysterious. *Dumbfounded*

2006-07-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

Hey God,

Thank you for providing the GEMS children a super home in Macpherson!
Thank you for teaching us that when we ask in faith and sincere hearts, you have the answer right up! Never under estimate the power of our God :)

2006-07-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

There you go again. Why can't life ever be normal for long? Feels like I've been hit by the gates of pinball. Maybe you're asking me, "Huiping, why can't you be normal? Why can't you see what's good for you?" Dunno leh. I see I see, don't need to nag ok? I need time. Just like a kid, I need transition. So that when I settle, all's not so different and fearful. Give me space. Since when transition's about space? It's about the right environment, the enjoyment even in routines, mean while what do I do? I follow the teacher. Why do you always always always make me eat my words? It's scary you know? That my very words will turn against me. Or is for me? Against me? For me, truly? Reaaaaally? You are the strangest thing I ever know, yet I love You. But can I not face it? All's complicated enough. I simply live. To follow You.

2006-07-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

You like to soak up the sun, but your tastes are down to earth. Everyone thinks you're cute. Life is a winding road, and you like to take the curves in stride. Let other people compete in the rat race - you're just here to enjoy the ride. http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar eee... eeery .. how come so accurate one???
Posted by Picasa

2006-07-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm a Mazda Miata!
Posted by Picasa

2006-07-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

Another testimony of my sentimental side, besides my wallet. I still keep my ex-wallets (including the one that was rolled over by a car) and everything else that's still in them - transitlink cards, old movie tix, my first credit card by henry, stickies, notes and stuff. I amazed myself, as I sat down clearing my drawer, laughing at myself for keeping all the ex-BF stuff and I still won't throw them away. Some treasures - I found my Ryan Giggs autograph on that nice pic of his and the Man U match ticket, old coins from US and my fav ... my first successful (well almost) hand-written journal date back 10th May till 14th June 2002 of my days in US. Journals are strange things, telling how much I have or have not changed. How much I have forgotten. What I appreciated. And for a 24 year old in a 27 year old body, it made me feel abnormally 27 year old. And then I read this part that brought me to tears - "Today we sat down at the bus shelter singing hymns .. nice feeling .. to feel God in my life once again! Thank You, Lord." Yeh, Yanping and I would always sing together. She'll start the first line and I'll continue from there, coz I'm bad at starting songs. So it was on this day, 14th May, Tuesday, 2002 that God touched me. It wasn't in church. Not in CG. Not even in the company of Christians. Not in Singapore. But at a bus stop in Williamsburg, Virginia. In hymn-ish sort of worship when we had no clue what worship was. I think I still remember the brown coarse tiles. God does work everywhere. Shuyan must have been praying very hard for me :)

2006-07-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

"Now brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise you have believed in vain." - Paul in 1 Corinthians
Posted by Picasa

2006-07-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

What I enjoyed about the World Cup Finals is sheer superficial! I like the dramatics i.e when Zidane headbutted the one Italian and seeing the panic look on everyone's faces, the glorious goals, the celebration and the wretched (Barthez .. aww). Between all these, the field of green and puny players and their tactical play, which i bothered to understand years ago, now seem blur to me. Sure the Italians won! What a celebration, confetti and all. Very the splendourous. So the grand. And I was thinking, "alot of rubbish to clean up man .. they must have used alot of paper shredding machines .. "

Then I was reminded of what Ps Yang said about the Welsh Revival, when soccer stopped completely coz the players all couldn't play, they were so compelled to go church to repent. Maybe when the Holy Spirit finally falls on us like that - it'll be like the confetti ... in splendour of our King, clothed in Majesty, and all the earth rejoice.

2006-07-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

oh dear i'm going to be addicted to the mac ... my first ComicLife creation. what a cool program!
Posted by Picasa

2006-07-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

Just what is with this "guys need dignity and girls only need security" thing???

How can anyone have security without decent dignity???

How does anyone feel dignified when he's insecure???

Balderdesh.

"Hey Mum, I saw Ah How with his girlfriend, he has proposed and they are looking for a flat! I know, I met them just now!"

So Mum started pestering me again - "So, have you found anyone you like? And who LIKES you BACK?????You know it's better to have someone like you than you like someone???"

"Mum, that's not the real issue here coz i won't consider marrying someone i don't like much, you know?"

I answered with fake dignity, but insecure inside. Just so she would stop digging. *gasp* maybe it's true. Girls do need security. *gasp*

But well, with a mother like that, I'm not surprised I turned out the way I turned out. I need every dignified reason for every intrusive question. Till both of us sit down and have another heart to heart talk. Then more questions will come right at me, and every reason flying over her head. I just want you to listen and understand mom.

You don't have the answers and neither do I.

Oops. Sounds familiar.

Still we all need dignity and security too, don't we?

God, let your grace be sufficient for me.

2006-07-05T01:03:00.000-07:00

i watched my first world cup 2006 match this morning. was so sleepy though. but what the heck, italy got in! which means i get to watch the finals with a sense of hype. though i gotta admit this german team somehow got me rooting for them too at some instances. superficially perhaps coz they are younger, cuter and darker than before. perhaps coz i understand how it feels to be so close yet so far. perhaps coz i can feel the ache of losing on home ground and disappointing the scores of fans. the atmosphere was electric. miss those cheers one hears only on european soil.

2006-07-05T01:02:00.000-07:00

Hee his mouth also follows the direction of the ball.
Posted by Picasa

2006-07-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Aww .. so cute yet so sad.
Posted by Picasa

2006-07-04T15:00:00.000-07:00

Voices That Care - another one of those patrotic songs i used to like

Lonely fear lights up the sky
Can't help but wonder why
You're so far away
There you had to take a stand
In someone else's land
Life can be so strange
I wish we never had to choose
To either win or lose
That we could find a way (we could find a way)
But I won't turn my back again (turn my back again)
Your honor I'll defend
So hurry home and till then

Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright

I'm not here to justify the cause
Or to count all the loss
That's all been done before
I just can't let you feel alone
When there's so much love at home
We're sending out to you
All the courage that you've known
The bravery you've shown
Clearly lights the way
We pray to make the future bright
To make the wrong things right
Right or wrong, we're all praying you remain strong
That's why we're all here and singing along

Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Know in your heart how our love burns bright
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright
You are the voice
You are the light

Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright
Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright
You are the voice
And the guiding light
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright

2006-07-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

Just to record my greatest woes to God this season - my ashes to beauty season.

doesn't mean i don't mind walking in the rain, i gotta walk in the rain.
doesn't mean i don't mind carrying huge camera and laptop bags, i gotta carry them.
doesn't mean i don't mind sleeping less, i gotta sleep less.
doesn't mean i don't mind not getting married now, i gotta not get married.
doesn't mean i don't mind dressing boh-seh, i gotta get slack for dressing boh-seh.
doesn't mean i don't mind not wearing pretty dresses, i gotta not get to wear them @ my wedding when i finally do.

and it's not that i don't want to do anymore for you Jesus, it's just that perhaps deep inside i know i'm really meant to be more mary than martha. being too martha might just make me count the costs later. just say the word and over mountains i will follow.

you know God, you are the only one whom i truly believe when you say - i love you just the way you are.

2006-07-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

In the past when I liked Tony Leung Chiu Wai, I approved of him dating Carina Lau because I knew she was worthy of him.

Nazri's was shrouded in secrecy till his wedding drew near. I remember she was an air stewardess and pretty.

I never knew what Ryan Giggs saw in his ex-GF, I think her name's Danni (if I remember correctly), the one he supposedly abused. So I thought I had a chance.

Mark Owen (of Take That fame) and Zai Zai never really had girlfriends but I'm sure they had to be screened before I would consider them eligible.

Well all these are way history by the way. Last check I was only 20 when I still had Tony Leung crushes, 21 when when I sneaked into a Man U press conference to get Giggs' autograph (and it was for old times' sake), ha an embarrassing 24 when I attended the F4 concert.

Ok the last para besides the point. The point is when you were young, all you wanted was your idol to meet his perfect match and end up happily ever after.

So when young C asked me to consider D, it can be expected. C likes me, likes D (well must be in a fatherly, brotherly way), so to her, D and me would be perfect.

Well like how Superman and Lois Lane didn't end up together ... sometimes it's for the greater good. Heh.

Sorry cutie C, I can't. Consider was never an option. Of all things, I'm quite black and white when it comes to such things. Oh please God don't make me eat my words. Perhaps perfectly Godly, and great, and all things nice, is not on my list, and that's V's greatest complaint to me.

Oops and there I was telling E to be that perfect gentlemen to C when I hardly believe in it myself! Sometimes I shock and rediscover myself. Ha ...

2006-07-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

Finally a train to Tibet ... a sequal to the Orient Express comes the Shangri-La Express.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/
2003095286_tibet30.html

http://www.railtravelcenter.com/tibet%202007.htm

... "It will be no ordinary train ride. The trains, whose cars are manufactured by Canada's Bombardier Inc., are equipped with oxygen-supply systems, coated double-paned windows to reduce high-altitude radiation, special lightning rods, wireless telecommunications networks and systems to compress garbage and contain sewage.
"Passengers will not be able to open the windows on the trains, and that will help limit the environmental damage," said Zhu, referring to the temptation to litter ...

... The main reason for the project is symbolic, he said: "It's the last frontier they have been dreaming of for the last century."

No more the adventure of the humble foot, the adventures of Indiana Jones! I'm sure he was the catalyst of these castastrophic dreams.

2006-07-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

why do i find myself coming back here so often these days?

is it because i'm afraid of losing my thoughts and feelings and keeping them here surely is the surest way of keeping them and keeping myself intact when the world blows my mind. i never want to forget who i was, who i am even in my most little of moments, because that's when i'm truly am. well almost. sometimes i feel i'm losing dreams.

i hope God keeps them somewhere in his heart with a heart as big as his.

man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore ... hmm

2006-07-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

Just what exactly is a revival? Something dead becomes alive? Which means first there has to be a "dead" condition? There can be two responses to "deadness" leh. Either "holy discontentment" or "worldly numbness". And the world as we all know, has such a great influence on us. It entices and seduces, but also easily divorces, leaving us abandoned, broken and empty from the first attraction. God calls us into a marriage. He pursues and romances. He's looking for committment. He asks for faith. Most times, we are the ones who break His heart. Ha today, just felt maybe that's how revival may feel like just before it takes place. I wanna get married and until I finally get married, my heart remains discontented till the right one comes along. Not that all the conditions has to be there, but it should feel like a return to my first love. No need for defences. This one's for real and I should know it. God arranged it, after all. He's asking us to respond in love to the proposal.

Sidetrack. Overhead on the MRT today. Girl (as the BF was walking too fast rushing for the train): "Why are you doing this to me? I cannot already, tired." Boy: "I'll carry you." Hee so biblical, and so teenage sweet.

Anyway, back to the revival.

I don't despise the work of the Spirit but surely it's more than the mass slaining and holy laughter??? Perhaps being Singaporean (eeks too Singaporean too long), I hope to see results, not just effects. See more coming to receive Him. See lives transformed for God. See a united church, alive, compassion on fire and how church would be if Jesus were here. Surely it will be different from that day on. Surely I will be different from that day on. How different I don't know. How scary it will be to me, I don't know. I remember when Ps Yang came to preach, and I went forward in response to the message and there he was shouting proclaiming "fire", I told God "It's too loud. Can you make him not shout in my ear?" and thankfully he didn't shout when he came to me but now I wonder, how did I interfere with the work of the Spirit by not asking God instead to revive our relationship.

Perhaps it is a process. Not instant like noodles.

I know it's not instant here in Singapore. One moment I can be soaked high in worship at SIS @ Fire, another moment 5 minutes later soaked up in heat squeezing up the bus, squashed and pressed against every side. Certainly not a very spiritual sight. But that's life in Singapore ain't it. People don't linger. How to revival like that???

... "The New Testament Church seemed to be losing the spirit of prayer as they increased their organization ... They had become ambitious for a church and organization. It seemed hard to them not to be like the other nations (churches) round about them. And right here they surely began to fail. As church work increased the real issue was lost sight of. Human organization and human programs leave very little room for the free Spirit of God ... It is very easy to choose second best. The prayer life is needed much more than even buildings or organizations 。。。 The curse everywhere was spiritual pride. Hiding their nakedness from God. The oil (The Holy Ghost) ceases to flow, as in Elijah's time when there are no more empty vessels to be filled . People do not sense their need of God. But wherever there is a hungry heart, God will fill it. 'The rich or (full) He has sent away empty 。。。

Frank Bartleman's writings are a prophetic reminder that there are distinct seasons of revival that require our preparation and cooperation. Revivals don't just mysteriously happen, they are born through a cooperative effort between the Church and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit begins this process by filling us with a holy discontentment over our own impotence and spiritual barrenness. Next, in response to our hunger, He imparts a divine seed vision for revival deep within us. God then requires us to become broken and willing to cooperate with this vision in an ongoing process of faith, humility, repentance and prayer. Truly, God is the only one who can open the womb of revival, yet no revival is ever born without much costly travail and cooperation by the Church. In the Kingdom of God there is no such thing as the luxury of a surrogate mother or a cesarean. We must become willing to be painfully stretched and disfigured, as we carry and nurture the growing sparks of revival within us. Sleepless nights, a change of appetite and unusual pains are all part of carrying a developing child. Are you willing for your life to be radically changed and inconvenienced in your pursuit of revival? God longs for a help-meet, a co-laborer, a bride through which He can father a revival of His presence. In God's love and wisdom He has sovereignly chosen to use frail human beings in this birthing process. Therefore it is possible for us to hinder or even completely abort the work of revival within us. Let us BEWARE lest we quench or miscarry the work of the Holy Spirit through our own unbelief and neglect. Like the young virgin Mary, it's time for us to totally yield to the Father's desire, saying " Let it be done unto me according to your word." Luke 1:38.

I believe the opportunity for a lasting revival stands before us today. We need to recognize the time of our visitation. The Holy Spirit is imparting the vision for revival within many hearts. This is no time to be experimenting with untested church growth theories, borrowed from books. Clever human schemes will never substitute for a lack of true heart preparation and travailing prayer. By neglecting these, I fear many are needlessly squandering away their last opportunity for true revival. "Opportunity once passed, said Frank Bartleman, is lost forever. There is a time when the tide is sweeping by our door. We may plunge in and be carried to glorious success and blessing and victory. To stand on the bank shivering from timidity, or paralyzed by stupor at such a time is to miss all, and most miserably and eternally fail. Oh, our responsibility! The mighty tide of God's grace and favor even now is sweeping by us, in its prayer directed course." Opportunity is pounding at our door. The Father is searching for a people who will yield to His revival birthing process. "For the eyes of the Lord run to and from throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is LOYAL to Him." (2 Chronicles 16:9)

Again he writes, "A body must be prepared, in repentance and humility for every outpouring of the Spirit." This is one of God's great unchanging laws of true revival. It applies to all people and for all times. We can not afford to ignore these clear warnings from our spiritual forefathers any longer. There will be no glorious, end-time harvest until God finds a people who will embrace and nurture the fruitful seeds of revival; FAITH, HUMILITY, REPENTANCE and PRAYER.

2006-06-29T10:44:00.000-07:00

My Church @ Church Camp 2006! Where's Wally?
Posted by Picasa

2006-06-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

Do i give the impression that i am simple-minded?

Or was it a self-fulfiling prophesy just because some people said so some time ago it has become a reflection of who i think i am.

Thomas said so today. I am not difficult to understand. I am simple to understand. Then why is it so hard to find someone who truly understands? Maybe because i find it hard to understand because i think too simply.

This world is too complicated for me. People are getting too complex.

You know for a preschool child, when she combs her hair behind the curtains and her comb disappears, it means the curtains ate up the comb. When she sees her teacher's boobs in front of her as she's eating, she says "breasts" irregardless. When cars move like she does, it means they are alive because she's alive. When she doesn't understand, she asks questions. And the world becomes more understandable. Yet complicated. She simply can't assume anymore.

For a 27 year old, i still find it tough growing up sometimes. Like in a game, the rules get harder.

Luckily biblical rules don't change .. phew. It's just people get harder to understand.

Anyway i did find Mr Thumby in the end. He's still in the process of growing up, and i've disciplined him by placing him in a smaller cage temporarily where he literally feeds off the hand (mine) that rocks his cradle. He's tame now. He allows me to stroke him till my heart's content. It feels quite good.

2006-06-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

Straits Times today reports - a child born to young mother is more likely to live to a 100. Other factors include spending part of one's childhood on a farm and being born first.

Had everything in my life gone according to plan, this might be incredibly possible for my 1st born child! On my tangerine farm in Provence :)

Ah well, who still cares about living to a 100 these days? You live to be a centurion and then what?

2006-06-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

Lounging around @ Marriot in KL.
Posted by Picasa

2006-06-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

Chihuly-Lounge @ Ritz
Posted by Picasa

2006-06-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

my cg went to Chihuly Lounge @ the Ritz Carlton on wednesday.

i was so enamoured of the place. or was it the band? more likely a combination of both. or perhaps it was also the company of good friends with a tad tipsy wine.

http://www.ritzcarlton.com/hotels/singapore/dining/
venues/lobby_lounge/default.asp

CHIHULY LOUNGE
A place to relax and unwind. Chihuly Lounge offers traditional English and Colonial afternoon tea. Magnificent gold leaf chandeliers and hand woven carpets, combined to create a cozy ambience. Diamond Strings plays a cheerful, upbeat selection of chamber music from 3:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Cocktails and Bar Bites are available during the day that is complemented by light live entertainment throughout the day and Jazz Trio in the evening.

Louis Soliano Trio
Jazz aficionados may delight on smooth grooves and melodic sounds of the Louis Soliano Trio at Chihuly Lounge. Celebrated as one of Singapore's foremost percussionists, Louis performs from Monday to Saturday at 9 p.m. to 12.30 a.m.

Oh yeah so they are called the Louis Soliano Trio!

When they play and sing, makes you wanna come alive and feel like a lady :) heh

If that can sound so beautiful, imagine a guy singing his heart out for God. Touched.

2006-06-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

Mr Thumby in an obstacle course the Zion children built for him. Little did I know they were preparing him for greater things - the biggest escape of his life!
Posted by Picasa

2006-06-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

Have I told you about Mr Thumby?

Today Mr Thumby made his 5th successful attempt out of his cage - just when I thought a new cage would fumble him - this hamster showed me the real stuff he is made of.

This time, I really thought I had lost him for good. Unbelievable. I had placed the cage in the storeroom, a totally new environment to him. I wasn't too worried somehow. I just did the least I could do in search of him like any decent owner would. Not too anxiously, I rummaged through a few lost and found corners. Not there. I croaked out "Mr Thumby ...?" like say a mere 5 times. Nope, no answers. No tell-tale furballs. I'll just leave it to fate. Darn that rat. He'll come srambling to me begging and I'll spurn him. Hmph.

Report. Hamicide. Time of crime: unknown. No prints.

4 hours later.

I think God really loves Mr Thumby. If not, why would God place in that little brain of his, a mind map back to my room? If not, why in that second of a moment, Mr Thumby would creep out from underneath my bed, and I felt a compulsion to turn my back even though I heard no sound? There, my eyeball met his furball. Swiftly, I picked him up, swishing him off his dainty feet. I half expected a bite of resistance, but he was so gratified and willing. His adoring moment. I knew it Mr Thumby. Oh how you needed me. I saved your life you nugget.

Just what is it you need? Just what is it you want? Water? You have it. Food? You got it? Shelter? You obviously don't want it.

After licking the water to his heart's content, his claustrophobic symptom returned. Again, with all his strength and all his might, he was trying to get out. It is quite a gloriously funny sight. Mr Thumby, you are never satisfied. I understand how you can never be contented in that cage of yours anymore. With each escapade, you've seen more of the world. You have crossed the hall. Wow. That's equivalent to the Pacific Ocean. Haiz, you are just so different from all the other hamsters I've ever had. I wonder what's going through your mind?

Maybe if you'll just behave, I might consider bringing you to America, the land where there's freedom - fweedom! Or Chiangmai, where the air is fresh. City mouse or country mouse? You are deserving.

2006-06-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

haha check out eugene's strangled face - never fails to make me laugh! cast him in a motion picture - modern day charlie chaplin or present day mr bean.
Posted by Picasa

2006-06-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

2006 post-camp

Life / or God is funny. I remember last year when V asked me to join Camp Comm, I was hesitant. A voice inside asked "Benny Ho leh. You sure you wanna be busy and miss the show?" But God did also specifically say it's high time I start serving and giving instead of receiving. And then I became full-time, and that left me not much choice in my involvement in the camp.

Camp 2006 was different. Perhaps coz I'm different. I realised I'm not looking for the "high" experience anymore perhaps coz I can experience Him any other day much the same. Pour my heart out to Him much the same. I wasn't sure what I was so desperate for Him about. Quiet trust? To take away the pains? Why people stay the same?

J kept saying I've grown. Changed. For the better lah of course. Urgh. But God, only you fully know the process of it all. I still don't think I know myself that well, or I ever will. When the feelings, thoughts, actions, words contradict.

Yet I can be so sure of God. That everything I needed I have received by faith. So sure it hurts. Hurts to have Him, yet Him not all of me. I am the unbelievable one.

Those significant moments when it was just between You and I:
I know it wasn't just heat, it was You telling me the daddy I never had - You will fulfil the role. You will discipline me like a daddy will, because You are simply dad. You will love me like a daddy will, because You are simply dad. If no one else will hold me, You will because You are simply dad. My ends of the world really for now starts from my own home.

God, thank you for healing 2 relationships. Never knew I wanted them so bad. :)

2006-06-20T01:13:00.000-07:00

somehow i don't think "emotion" is such a bad thing at all.
just in case my emotions get the better of me .. here's why.

for without emotions,
no feelings.
no intuition.
no guts.
no highs.
no lows.
no motivation.
no magical moments.
no favs.
no hates (spells s-a-t-a-n).
no desires.
no regrets.
no guilt.
no repentance.
no crying.
no emoticons (ha).
no hopes.
no dreams.
no longings for the unseen.
no faith.
no worship.
no love (gasp).
no passions.
no desperation.
no revivals.
no packing of my room till 3am in the spur of the moment!

didn't Jesus weap too?

in that He taught us how to live in obedience :)

i would like to think when i was conceived into this world,
God laughed and smiled so hard he teared one.

cold hearted modernism is as a result of a calculated man trying to comprehend and contain what he cannot control.
the rest of the uncalculative world just stay confused and unreasonable.

transformation is a result of an abandoned man letting God control what he cannot comprehend.

messy maybe.

still, thou shalt let emotions breed danger ...

2006-05-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

Imagine Tamar: grief-stricken, sobbing, ashes on her head. Her body in a heap on the cold floor. Soot covers her beautiful face and smears the rich colors of her torn robe. Her outward appearance echoes the cavernous darkness in her soul. Hopelessness and death well up in her. She is nothing but a tomb.

The door of her room slowly creaks open. A stream of cloudy sunlight pours through the door. A figure of a man takes form within it. Not Absalom. No, she would recognize Absalom anywhere. Her heart jumps with sickening terror; then the figure steps through the door and His visage becomes clear. Tamar has never seen Him before, yet He looks so familiar. Not frightening. And she should be frightened. No man should be entering her chamber. She should run, but she cannot seem to move.

She glances down at the hands that seem paralyzed on her lap, her palms covered with ash. She suddenly becomes shamefully aware of her appearance. Wretchedness sears her heart. She is certain her violated estate is obvious. She despises herself.

"Tamar," the man speaks gently, and with warm familiarity.

Her heart sobs, "She is dead!" A slave of shame has taken her place.

He approaches and takes her face in His hands. No one has ever done that before. The overwhelming intimacy turns her face crimson, not with shame but with vulnerability. His thumbs sweep over her cheeks and wipe the tears from her face. As He takes His hands from her face and places them on her head, her throat aches with fresh cries as she sees the filth on His hands. Her filth. He draws back His hands and she senses something on her head. Perhaps in His mercy He has hooded her disgrace.

The man offers her His hands, still covered with soot, and she takes them. Suddenly she is standing. Trembling. He leads her to the brass mirror hung on the wall. She turns her face away. He lifts her chin. She gives the mirror only a glance. Her heart is startled. She begins to stare. Her face is creamy white. Her cheeks are blushed with beauty. Her eyes are clear and bright. A crown sits on her head and a veil flows from its jewels to her shoulders. Her torn coat is gone. A garment of fine white linen graces her neck and adorns her frame. The King's daughter, pure and undefiled. Beauty from ashes.

2006-05-06T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'll like to believe since young I've always had an altruistic heart coz I would cry when I hear songs that cry out people to save the world! Looking once again @ the lyrics .. now I realize it's about the hope of God that keeps people going. When are you coming back Jesus? People have been waiting like forever ...

"We Are The World", U.S.A. for Africa

There comes a time when we need a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
Oh, and it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We're all a part of God's great big family
And the truth - you know love is all we need

( CHORUS )
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter dayso let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Well, send'em you your heart
So they know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us
By turning stone to bread
And so we all must lend a helping hand

( REPEAT CHORUS )

When you're down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There's no way we can fall
Well, well, well, let's realize
That one change can only come
When we stand together as one

( REPEAT CHORUS AND FADE )

When The Children Cry - White Lion

Little child dry your crying eyes
How can I explain the fear you feel inside
Cause you were born into this evil world
Where man is killing man and no one knows just why
What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again

CHORUS
When the children cry let them know we tried
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins

Little child you must show the way
To a better day for all the young
Cause you were born for all the world to see
That we all can live with love and peace
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

CHORUS

What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

When the children cry let them know we tried
When the children fight let them know it ain't right
When the children pray let them know the way
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins

2006-05-01T11:58:00.000-07:00

we got old, got close, got big, gotta say bye bye to some .. keep smiling, keep loving, keep growing. keep in touch :) God causes all things to grow ... so nice to know :)
Posted by Picasa

2006-05-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

God Causes All Things To Grow -
Words and Music by STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN and STEVE GREEN

Dreams dressed in white
Vows made by candlelight
Hoping to find out what true love is all about
A quiet fear
Where do we go from here
So many wake and see love slowly disappear

Chorus:
God causes all things to grow
Through every season we know
He will guard the life
That He's planted in our souls
And when we feel the cold winds blow
We'll hold to what we know
God causes all things to grow

You know where I've failed
My weakness has been unveiled
And yet by grace you choose to love and to forgive
So come what may our home is here to stay
A witness to the lasting promise
He has made

Chorus (2 times)
And we know God causes all things to grow

2006-04-23T02:16:00.000-07:00

our cg is gonna multiply soon! half of the girls moving .. guess who? sob .. just one more week left ..
Posted by Picasa

2006-04-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

i have been listening to this song on my computer for some time, forgetting how on earth i got it in the first place, or who sent it to me, though i got a hunch it's either winnie or chua. then as i was editing adeline and andrew's wedding video this week, i realised it's also their march in song! mystery solved? must be chua who sent to it to me one year ago to start on the editing which i never did till now. so i went out to check the lyrics proper and realised it's a popular wedding song (chua later told me he also used it for his wedding). heh such a man how to find. heh or even, can i be such a girl??? nothing is for sure in this world. lots of booby traps. we were schooled and trained to withstand the world order. to not give up without a fight.

yet i can still walk without a nary because of jesus. though it makes me vulnerable. though it feels like "me" inside dying, i know i'm made of faith. faith to last. heh but nothing is sure in this world. drats. but that jesus be here. :)

I Will Be Here(Steven Curtis Chapman)

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I will be here
Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
Oh, I will be here.

2006-04-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

do you ever wonder why the media write. is it to tell people - hey can't you see, something is wrong with the world today. wake up from your slumber. people need to be saved.

passive.

2006-04-05T12:43:00.000-07:00

Fires of Revival

I came into the gathering of the
People of the Lord
And found my way among them to His Throne
I needed to return unto the altar of my God
To renew again my covenant with Him

I wanted to discover the first love we once had shared
Rekindling the fire deep within
I found the lamp still flickering in the temple of my Lord
And pour a horn of oil unto the flame

And there I built an altar to His name
And realised my life would never be the same
And then the fires of revival came
Sweeping through my soul
And I touched the Holy Presence of my God

Come build an altar unto the Lord
Return to worship and hear His Word
And then the fires of revival will come
Sweeping through your soul
And we'll touch the Holy Presence of our God

O weary wartorn pilgrim back by satan's power
There's still a place of refuge to be found
Come back into His presence
To the altar stained with blood
To renew again your covenant with Him

2006-04-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

as i was editing the 2004 camp video for church camp publicity, it struck me how special the 2004 camp was. the holy spirit came, touched and opened up hearts of compassion. we were prepared to stand in the gap and fulfil the great commission. yet when benny prophesied that there will be 3 hard years for brighton before the harvest, who would have known the casualties. it is painful God.

benny ho in 2004 - "i ran to the altar and i caught the fire and i put it into my spirit. ever since then, i've never stopped running, i cannot. there's a passion burning inside, and it can only come from the altar of God". in touch with the lost. in touch with its message. out of touch with our own comforts.

benny ho in 2006 ? ... ...

2006-04-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

was late in meeting jennie and the rest for lunch today. it's LAU pat sat, for wah LAU, so far to walk from tanjong pagar mrt for LAU people like me lor.

lunch was normal till i bumped into winnie outside raffles mrt @ the watch repair stall. i think i did a scream when my heart leaped. i wondered why i was so delighted, but i was! and then we found out it would cost her $18 to repair her 2 watches and she only had $6, but i had EXACTLY $12 in my wallet! That's God's bizarre love story to us today. it showed He's really our provider.

and then something even more bizarre happened. this chirpy blind man came up to us and asked for directions to OUB center. well winnie was still waiting for her watch to be repaired, so i volunteered to take him there first (tho' i have no clue where it was) and she will catch up with us when she's done. i was discouraged from the very start as the first obstacle was a very long flight of stairs down and the man went like "you mean there's no lift here?". but he proved very determined and told me "it's okay. nothing is impossible. everything is possible" and this thought probably urged him on along the way as we had to overcome more stairs, more twisty turns and a very blur me. he repeated it like 5 times. as we spoke, he told me he's on his way to attend a training course for foot reflexology. "$1900 very expensive the course, but nothing is impossible. everything is possible." hee funny man hor, but i like him. he takes about the same route to the place everyday, so when we passed by polar express, he remarked, "that's the pie place", and he said, "i know when we're at burger king. i know the smell". i wanted so much to tell him "yes with God anything is possible. God can heal you" but all i said when we parted at the lift was "God Bless". and of course, by the time winnie got to me to help me with directions, it was too late but she brought me a decent exploration of the place.

thomas said maybe God was trying to teach me something through this. hmmz .. that i like being around strange funny people coz i'm strange. like the strange kids that i teach.

winnie's going cambodia for mission trip! whee. and lishan is setting up a school in east timor!!

oh man, but i really love being outside, with people, with whatever that happens outside. working from home is draining for me!

2006-04-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

thought i understood myself a little bit more today. the mountain experience is over. i've reached the sea. that's why it's been different, the unsettling. not uphill anymore. it's peaceful, but it's unknown, wide, far and deep. have to get used to it. i'll be still and wait. touch the water at night. it's cold, and how would i know? intuition!

2006-04-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

George Bush says "I just want you to know that, when we're talking about war, we're really talking about peace."

He's not talking about spiritual warfare is he?? The excuses man give himself.

Anywayz, thank you Jesus for being my barley man! Thank you thank you thank you!

2006-04-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

today's my first day of work @ Brighton Community Church as Church Administrator.

and for a person who possesses very extreme emotions - laugh really laugh, cry really cry, scream really scream - i'm feeling pretty sedate. shouldn't i be bubbling with excitement if i'm serving my Lord. maybe coz He's been so gentle with me these days even in my distress. and yet am so aware that i'm losing my grip and control of many circumstances for God to pilot. and if i don't adopt a "come what may" attitude, my heart really cannot take it. sometimes i feel my heart getting weaker and weaker, softer and softer. so i ask God, "yes? how much more do i have to give up?" and fear His answers will disappoint me when i already know the answer. HA. of course ALL of me lah. times like these make me feel nutz, and like i told yanping - i really really missed her calm assuring maturity. i need .CALMNESS.ASSURANCE.MATURITY. like nutella on toast.

Brighton Community Church ...
well guess it's so much more than just an organization i work for
so incomplete, yet so attractive, completed in the eyes of Jesus :)
better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere!

it would take an essay to describe every moment, every person, every conversation, every emotion, every worship, every prayer, every revelation that has touched my life completely and radically in 3 years. rock song comes into mind ... and these are the best years of my life .. umz but i'm sure more to come ... claim claim claim!

"a common love for each other
a common gift to the Savior
a common bond holding us to the Lord
a common strength when we're weary
a common hope for tomorrow
a common joy in the truth of God's Word"

and after all this, the things of the world do grow strangely dim.

it's best for me to remind myself in this new posting - called to a deeper relationship with Jesus, not just the work work work. sorry ah, always and forever Your cry baby.

2006-03-28T12:14:00.000-08:00

silence my head ah. it's my thoughts that are irritating me. and they are as thick as the forest, all fighting to be processed through my brain. my heart is complaining already. and my eyes are tired. ooooh, i gotta get through this, o dense one.
Posted by Picasa

2006-03-21T17:37:00.000-08:00

aiyo, you open the papers and you see a world besotted with ills.
maybe i've been living in my sheltered world far too long.
why these days people fight not with a triumphant human spirit but with such fanatical anger?
why these days people fight not because of hope but because of loss?

they say freedom? more likely free-doom.
God, I think they need some kind of revelation.

2006-03-21T16:12:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

Here I am in between jobs again. Yesterday, my last day @ ZION, marked the end of my entire career stint at a young age of 27. No one, not even myself, would have thought serving You full-time was an option till a month ago. I still have no idea how You hijacked tiak's mind, but I must say Your ways are as unfathomable as yee kai's bottomless tricks, though life gets better with understanding.

With the next lap impending, just want to say I love You God and thank You for always being here. To be close to You is what always feels right. So that when the maddening thoughts inside me tell me I must be abit mad, when the fears tell me my feelings are not Your heart's desire, I can be still. Know You are God and desire for that purity so divine.

When I try to count the ways I love You, I couldn't. But those times You loved me, not that love can be counted and quantified, You showed me what love was and is.

You know how we never quarrel? When I try to pick a fight, you fight by bribing me with Your love and promises. Even in Your silent treatment, You stood by me. Even though it hurts You to watch me cry, You waited so I could grow up.

Those late tiring nights, You stayed up with me, surrounded by Your presence, You made me weak yet strong. When I was foolish and made a fool, You laughed along with me and You took the blame for me. No regrets and no hard feelings. When I made mistakes, You gently correct me and did not embarrass me.

When I gave my heart to someone else, even though I so wanted to have the biggest portion for You, You guarded and preserved me jealously. When I felt insignificant, You told me I meant the world to You. When I wanted to conquer the world for You, You said You were more than enough for me.

When I'm tied to other strings, You freed me and set my limits for me. You brought me to places just to wonder at the whole of Your creation. When all the world lived a lie, You taught me to desire truth. When I don't understand myself much and feel rotten inside, You taught me to understand You. Then I knew myself. When I'm filth, you arrested me, not by the cuffs, but by the nails of Jesus. And there I felt the pain of His love in exchange for my salvation and freedom.

When I get too high and nonsensical, You bring me back to pH7, hee 7th Heaven. Normal. You gave me a happy family :) The fact I can be touched by You, your gentle arms, by Your Spirit, I am moved.

When I see the sky and stars, I know You made the heavens for us, for me, what else could I ask for? I could never repay Your love. My tears of gratitude are what I offer most times, because I've got nothing else to give. But I never have to doubt if this love is true, I believe. Got faith. I geddit, so I got it ... HA

When I die, I think to just be remembered - Beloved Child of God. Umz, enough. Very easily contented.

When I think about the heavens, the moon and all the stars, I wonder what You ever saw in me, but You took me and You loved me, and You've given me a crown, and now I'll praise Your name eternally ... How Excellent Your Name Is!

2006-03-11T04:37:00.000-08:00

the future's not clear, but You'll be here ..

there was a time
You and me
we were playing
a game of tossing
starfruits
how bizarre
that You will share
the fruity bites
all the same
You did.

another time
into the heavens
whilst every hand raised
unto glory
i took a peep
there You beckoned
a crack from the walls
climb or not to climb
maybe it was for play

of all the walls i've climbed ...
into the construction site of a condomimium with brother
into the st nicks classroom with friends
into the compounds of a secret castled maze garden in williamsburg with Irish friends

this wall this time ...
a wound-up king i saw
left me wondering

2006-02-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

oh la la ... save you out of a fire i would! till then, learn how to fight fires first ya?
Posted by Picasa

2006-02-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

was it so long ago that they were rolling toddlers on my mattress every Chinese New Year? How did the "rolling" good times go by so fast?? zixin (left) and wanxin (right), so beautiful to me!
Posted by Picasa

2006-02-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

Poster boys and girls for Christ?
Posted by Picasa

2006-02-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

"if i rise on the wings of dawn, if i settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me ... " Psalm 139:9,10
Posted by Picasa

2006-02-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

dear jesus,

if i could walk
into the depths of the sea
far out away
into the folds of the waves
if i could
have this one wish
would your hand
carry me?

i never wanna walk alone.
i never wanna be misunderstood.
i dun wanna care what people say.

can bitter medicine ever be sweet?

can a crumpled piece of paper ever be straight?
can a shelly beach ever be smooth?
can that sea ever be pristine?

2006-02-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

this is the song that my mind sang as i trudged through MacRitchie today, yes, i finally stepped foot on the Tree Top Trail!

CLOSE TO YOU (by carpenters)

Why do birds suddenly appear ev’ry time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be close to you.

Why do stars fall down from the sky ev’ry time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be close to you.

On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true.
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue.

That is why all the girls in town follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be close to you.

yes, that's me today, with my God and His creation. (photos later kay)

also want to thank You God for those times when You allowed me to draw strength from You, gave me hope and dreams, comfort, answers, friends, love and your cleansing blood. thank You that i'm set apart yet always a part of You. oh God, wat will i do without You?? *gulp* it must have been love :)

2006-01-29T01:01:00.000-08:00

i realised i have yet to write about my new school - God's answer to my prayer request for more time coz i end work @ an amazing 2:30pm everyday, with holidays in the mths of june and december, and at the same pay. and to think i nearly declined the offer, had shuyan and sarah not prayed over me and saw trains of visions of trains :) God was saying "time to move on, hop on the train".

but while i really like the new school in most ways (shall not mention the other ways today, hey i really can't complain lah, all is good) ... the children at my ex school have taught me some things. Children are more sentimental and treasure friendships / relationships more than adults, more than I ever thought they were capable of (or perhaps just me). I always thought they forget easily. Guess can't use me as a yardstick anymore for children's memory. Gosh I'm the heartless one coz in a way, the new children have replaced the old. It's been a month since I've left, but Yanning still sent me an "I love you" card. Nigel had hoped I'll be there the next day, and the next, and the next ... Shiya still thinks maybe I'll come back if Iris has to go too. Children do hope. Children do dream. Children do remember your love after you're long gone. Adults are the ones who forget and crush them.

2006-01-29T00:16:00.000-08:00

change is alot like going to the hairdresser's to have your hair cut. if u dun want to look too drastically different and change your hair style, you'll just tell your hairdresser "Oh just a trim will do, thank you. like cut this much, maybe 2 inches. layering is ok." then change topic and say "Oh your business quite good ah!" Hairdresser might ask, "Color?" "No thanks lah, got appointment later, no time." (at the back of my mind, also thinking, "siao ah, so expensive, might as well DIY"). Again she might ask, "Perm?" "No thanks lah, no time and I hate maintenance." (also still thinking, wah biang, damn ex lor and won't guarantee i'll look good)

that thing about change is, if i don't expect a difference, i probably won't ask for it, i won't get it. i'll just settle. i'll just think - why the need? all's the same, ends the same. i hate attention anyway. i won't ask for coloring or perm. i hate the price i have to pay. i hate the cost of changing to fit. time wasting too. the result? people won't realise you've cut your hair lor.

God, some things you've gotta teach me to be changed INSIDE OUT. if not i'll be short changed ah.

2006-01-28T23:54:00.000-08:00

theme verse for 2006 - serves as a reminder as i forget easily. yupz serves me right for having a goldfish memory. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

to remind myself to die empty like Paul did, not wasted. for times when i can't see the end.
"For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:6-7

to remind myself i need patience.
"For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

to remind myself it's ok to go through discipline.
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

to remind myself to love.
"Let love be your greatest aim." 1 Corinthians 14:1

God, You better help me!

2006-01-28T23:49:00.000-08:00

the "bitchmeet" gang at one of our kind's wedding :) the bitch gets hitched. strange name we used to call ourselves, but we always looked forward to a bitchmeet. audra, you look fabulously chilli!
Posted by Picasa

2006-01-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

think the depressing thought of leaving the kids have finally struck ... after ginny told me that nigel has been dreaming of going to look for me ... and how he thought he could find me in his grandma's car but i wasn't there. nigel i think i know how it feels now :( not good i know. i'm sorry.
Posted by Picasa

2006-01-09T07:01:00.000-08:00

and the real Dr Seuss - quirky
Posted by Picasa

2006-01-09T06:55:00.000-08:00

found this poem on the office wall at ICEC. it's called - the lost poem by dr seuss :) so funny, can't stand it!
I LOVE MY JOB!
i love my job. i love the pay!
i love it more and more each day.
i love my boss, he is the best.
i love his boss and all the rest!
i love my office and its location, i hate to have to go for vacation
i love my furniture, the drab and grey, and piles of paper i face everyday
i think my job is really swell, there's nothing else i love so well
i love to work among my peers, enjoy their leers, sneers and jeers
i love my computer and its software
i hug it often though it won't care, i love each program and every file
i'd love them more if they worked a while
i'm happy to be here, i am, i am
i'm the happiest slave of the Firm - i am
i love this work, i love these chores
i love the meetings with deadly bores
i love this job, i'll say it again - i even love those friendly men
those friendly men who've come again
in clean white coats to take me away!

Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T02:15:00.000-08:00

and then there's andy (i think) from abundant life ministries. got the "i simply adore you lord" look on his face when he worships. bottom left corner of the pic.
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T02:11:00.000-08:00

a cinderella story - quote reads "this film is what dreams are made of". chad is one of them, according to sarah. i am also part of this "and they lived happily ever after" ladybird fairy tale generation, and it's not that i don't believe in it anymore but more likely 10% fairy, 90% airy tale. still there's 100% hope always.
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:58:00.000-08:00

Teacher Iris with the kidz. See, they very proud of their House of God!
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:55:00.000-08:00

BRIGHTON KIDZ CLUB 2006! Here we go for God!
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:52:00.000-08:00

this is dennis. also a menace :) he has taught me to love in extraordinary ways, because he is extraordinary.
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:50:00.000-08:00

oh yes i am bias, so totally! Yanning with the irresistible Long-Long!
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:44:00.000-08:00

Joan and Yanning, part of the Jesus-loving generation already and declaring that Jesus is their Superhero! They can lead the class in singing "I love my Jesus deep down in my heart"! Still pure and untainted, precious like jewel.
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:40:00.000-08:00

Yanning, her 3 year-legacy, i inherited her beautiful mind. she is the reason why i cried! aiyo, will miss her brilliance and her fanatical moments loads.
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T01:10:00.000-08:00

this is a good read from http://www.factmonster.com/spot/narnia-lookback.html . read on if you wish to know "why out of wardrobe?"

Narnia: A Look Back
It's been fifty-five (Earth) years since our first visit
by Holly Hartman

According to C. S. Lewis, it "all began with a picture of a Faun carrying an umbrella and parcels in a snowy wood." As readers of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe well know, that faun was Mr. Tumnus, who introduced Lucy Pevensie to Narnia, the enchanted land of talking animals and valiant battles.

Since this first Narnia book was published in 1950, countless children have followed the tales of the world that Lucy found behind the wardrobe. In the last 55 years the books in the Chronicles of Narnia have sold more than 100 million copies and been translated into some 30 languages.Before Narnia: Animal-Land

As a child, C. S. Lewis made up stories about a place he called "Animal-Land." Like Narnia, it was inhabited by noble animals skilled in the art of war, among them "chivalrous mice and rabbits who rode out in complete mail to kill not giants but cats."

A heroic mouse named Peter became an important figure in the tales. (Narnia readers will recall that the boy Peter becomes High King of Narnia, and finds a comrade in Reepicheep, a heroic mouse.) The young Lewis wrote a series of adventures chronicling the history of Animal-Land and its neighbors, and created detailed maps of the fantasy world.

Sometimes Lewis told his brother these stories as they sat among the coats in their grandfather's old wardrobe.The War and the Wardrobe

Like the Pevensie children in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, many London children were sent to live in the country during the air-raids of World War II. In these years several groups of children stayed with Lewis at his country home.

"I never appreciated children," Lewis wrote years later, "till the war brought them to me." At this time Lewis began to make notes for the book that became The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. A thought-provoking moment occurred when a little girl who was staying with Lewis asked him what lay behind an old wardrobe he kept upstairs.

Nearly ten years later, Lucy Pevensie walked through that wardrobe and into Narnia. The wardrobe is now housed at the Wade Center of Chicago's Wheaton College, where a sign warns visitors: "Enter at your own risk. The Wade Center assumes no responsibility for persons who disappear or who are lost in this wardrobe." "Pictures Come Into My Head"

Readers and academics alike have spent much time coming up with theories about how and why Lewis planned out seven Chronicles of Narnia. In fact, Lewis claimed they weren't planned at all.

"When I wrote The Lion I did not know I was going to write any more," he said. "Then I wrote P. Caspian as a sequel and I still didn't think there would be any more, and when I had done The Voyage I felt sure it would be the last. But I found as I was wrong."

The books began with three images in Lewis's own mind. "All I can tell you is that pictures come into my head and I write stories about them," he told radio listeners in 1960. One such picture was of the faun; another was of a witch on a sled; and another was of "a magnificent lion." Lewis would name the lion "Aslan," the Turkish word for "lion."

Imagining Narnia
Some believe that the landscape of Lewis's Narnia was inspired by the Mourne Mountains in his native Northern Ireland. Draped in purple heather and towering over the sea, these craggy mountains are home to lakes, rivers, forests, and ruined castles.

"Narnia" was in fact the name of an ancient Roman colony in central Italy, named for the river Nar (now Nera). It has been said that Lewis discovered the name in an atlas as a child, though he may also have come across mention of the city in his university studies.

By chance, the modern-day town of Narni (as it is now known) honors a local saint known as "Blessed Lucy of Narnia." Today the town's Cathedral of Narnia adjoins a shrine to this St. Lucy.

The Real Lucy
As readers may remember, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is dedicated to Lucy Barfield, Lewis's goddaughter. Sadly, about 15 years after the book was published, Lucy was affected by multiple sclerosis, a disease of the nervous system that left her bedridden and unable to feed herself. But being named in the book touched her life in ways its author could not have imagined.
For the rest of her life, Lucy received letters from children. Some, believing she was Lucy Pevensie, asked her about Narnia. Others knew she was ill and just wrote to say "hello." "What a wonderful oasis of pleasure I have in this pretty terrible world, being recognized as Lucy," she once said.

to find out more about C.S. Lewis go to http://www.factmonster.com/spot/narnia-lewis.html

2005-12-31T01:02:00.000-08:00

"Narnia? What's that?" said Lucy.
"This is the land of Narnia," said the Faun, "where we are now; all that lies between the lamp-post and the great castle of Cair Paravel on the Eastern Sea. . . ."
-The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Posted by Picasa

2005-12-31T00:07:00.000-08:00

christmas came and went, and while i like the idea of Everyday Christmas, the blaring red of CNY is all around. they are taking away the pretty angels, christmas trees and stars. but while i know these are only symbols, to me they are reminders to others the beauty of our God.

and i really thank God and the holy spirit for touching val during the youth christmas service and beginning that healing process.

oh well anyway we watched narnia over the christmas weekend!

it touched me loads, like bucket loads, though i have not read the series. it weaved so magically and biblically (now that i am able to follow the allegory) between fantasy and prophesy, of what was, is and is to come. as i think about it, it just intrigued me whether that was God revealing to C.S. Lewis but in the mind of a child. and if you knew the inspiration behind it all, that conjured that greatness, it makes it all the more amazing. don't we all long for a great and magical God inside that kid in us? i know i do.

i think i can really identify with lucy coz many a times, i feel like just being close to the lion (jesus) and not wanting to let go, naive, curious, believable and hopeful. yet wasn't that what made her strong? me just felt cheated the war did not represent the 2nd coming. so there is more to come and is to come ...

and isn't it just so lucy that she could find a friend out of the strangest hairy creature. My favorite character really is the faun of Mr Thumnus. yes i am so fond of the funny faun! loved him and his fauny accent right from the moment he peered behind the tree :) he or it watever, is extravagant, devoted, endearing, and has a godly conscience.

"And really it was a wonderful tea. There was a nice brown egg, lightly boiled, for each of them, and then sardines on toast, and then buttered toast, and then toast with honey, and then a sugar-topped cake. And when Lucy was tired of eating, the Faun began to talk."

2005-12-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

love crucified arose

long ago he blessed the earth
born older than the years
and in the stall across He saw
through the first of many tears
a life of homeless wandering
cast out in sorrow's way
a shepherd seeking for the lost
His life the price He paid

love crucified arose
the Risen one in splendour
Jehovah sole Defender
has won the victory
love crucified arose
and the grave became a place of hope
for the heart that sin and sorrow broke
is beating once again

love crucified arose
the One who lived and died for me
was satan's nail-pierced casualty
now He's breathing once again

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

ha had a sudden thought that day that the theme if i ever have a wedding will be white christmas with a white christmas tree and all .. keke so fun

2005-12-21T10:41:00.000-08:00

and so i will be leaving the children come 30th december. as the day draws nearer, the thought of it seems more sick. the conviction is strong. but the memories may leave more than tears. i will not experience their nonsensical comforts anymore :(
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

as it is increasingly simple to love simple joys (eg. seeing my kid break into a smile), it is also increasingly simple to grieve simply for every reason to.

2005-12-21T10:02:00.000-08:00

overheard on the mrt between 4 very young girls ... just the gist of it.

A: eh tell u, my brother gave me an ipod nano

B and C gasped in amazement. But C relaxes fast.

B (still in awe): wah ipod nano. i want. give me leh. (in my mind, wat the chutzpah) why your brother give you. ask him to give me also leh. i call him now to ask.

A: wat? then i better warn him a mad girl is calling him, don't pick up.

B meddles with phone but didn't call.

A: my brother gave me ipod nano because his friend gave him another one as birthday present. dunno why but all his friends very rich one. (suddenly C and D gets interested in the conversation)

B: wah! introduce leh. not bad wat. (with seductive eyes)

C: we go to your house lah ...

A: yah his whole class will come to my house and watch TV ... yah his friends very rich. there was once he lost his mp3 player and his friend said, nevermind because he will lend to him ...

A: aiya, anyway i'm going to sell my ipod nano on ebay at a higher price than bought.

B: huh? give me lah.

A: but at a higher price leh. i don't use mp3, my handphone is enough.

C: yah, ipod nano very useless one, not good ...

B: huh izit? okay wat ...

A: (using some techy terms) cannot store this, can only store 1000 songs ... blah blah

this i-poded generation. thank goodness i still appreciate an i-pod. just not that enterprising and savvy. i just can't afford it.

2005-12-21T09:12:00.000-08:00

are we the lonelies ... ?

and because i am hopeless in ever bringing an umbrella out, it's no surprise mr rain caught me unaware today! so there i was walking from junction to junction, drenched but feeling absolutely chirpy. (i try not to look into the cars and lorries to avoid the "what-a-strange-girl-looks", yet thinking "where have all the pedestrians gone???") then a boy with an umbrella walked swiftly past me as i was crossing the road. as i stopped for next the traffic light, he walked on but i noticed his every 2-second glances back at me. but i just resigned that even if he thought of sheltering me, he would either rather not do anything about it, too shy, or not give a damn in the end. i was so wrong! pleasantly surprised, he came back and offered :) of course my first instinct was to refuse but he insisted - a boy, mere 16 years old, on a vacation job. he had to also tell me he hasn't yet thought about which course to apply which i responded with a startle. likely engineering he said, and asked would it be silly to follow his brothers. sighz i let slip the opportunity to ask him to come for YF christmas, to follow jesus. maybe i will see him again? he stays just behind the esso station.

and then there's the kopitiam auntie and the noodle-boy-next-stall. one who thinks a nearly 24/7 hawker life is the worstest of all jobs one can ever have. has to work even on christmas day (so cannot attend service) and the 2nd day of CNY. wah. yah agreed, bad. she's not going to survive this i reckon.

sent an SMS greeting to melanie just to test if she's still using her old mobile phone line. this rough voice sounding man called back to check me out, wondering why for the whole of yesterday and today, he has suddenly become "popular" with SMS-es.

i felt responsible to justify for all the mistaken SMS-es he has received but i didn't understand why he needed to know:
1) if melanie was working or studying
2) why if melanie is of working age, she has a friend like me who sounded like a student (?!?!)
3) who is this melanie?
4) is melanie popular? or famous (?!?!?)
5) did melanie give her friends his number to call?
6) nevermind melanie even, who am i (?!?!?)

at the last one, i retorted this was totally irrelevant. he very free ah.

and finally auntie angie (dominic's mum). thought it was a very sweet gesture of her to share as we held hands. can't remember who laid hands first. perhaps i felt touchy that day :) umz, wondered what would her sworn sister think???

2005-12-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

Dave and Delvyn's Ah-Ma (lady on the right) who also responded to the altar call. Do you know, behind every person there is always a story, hers is one that will change the course of others because she is a lady of influence.
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

Hey Peiwen, your mum accepted Christ during the Chinese Christmas Service! Ha, 1 more person to pray for you!
Posted by Picasa

2005-12-21T08:26:00.000-08:00

if you're reading this and trying to understand - don't. and don't ask. simply rambles.

today's encounter when i played "love crucified arose". what happened, i don't geddit either. when john hurried to the tomb of jesus first but yet didn't enter. that moment, felt "here i am, one step one look and jesus is back, gotta face it. so so so happy and excited can't express it but in tears. i miss Him so much. i miss Him just being around. why did He had to go away? why He had to go. now i'm too excited to go in. i will cry again. He will be with us and then He will go away again. i can never bear that. inside i'll rather you not go."

then i remembered when i was little watching Condor Heroes, i would shiver just waiting for the show to come on because i was so excited and i loved the show so much, especially with tony leung chiu wai.

perhaps john felt that - he loved jesus so much, anything but the truth would be tormenting, yet the truth meant having jesus leave them one more time (physically lah)

2005-11-13T09:22:00.000-08:00

God, why am i such a mixed bag of emotions. can't contain it. i need to scream it all out from the mountain top. let it all out. all out. for now, i'll just settle for a silent scream. AaahaaaAhhhhh. i need it to be a long and loud one. to be silent where it hurts the most. silent screaming a lone. who will understand. tell me god who hears. why so downcast my soul. i don't like. don't like myself to be like that. so trapped. AAAAHhhhhAHHHHHAHHA. i still want the final laugh. ha

i'll be alright one right?

2005-11-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

They can't wait to play with the sand! Wait ah, must tell you all about heaven first ... nicer than the beach you know?
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-11T11:29:00.000-08:00

Delvyn and Zheng Dong @ Kidz Club Beach Outing 2005
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-02T23:41:00.000-08:00

and the title of my children's book, if i ever get to pen it, shall be - The Monster Ate The Moon?

mum, why are there no teeth marks?

mum, did the monster eat up the rainbow as well?

2005-11-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

Is your work, play? Is it intrinsically motivated? Freely chosen by you? Pleasurable? Nonliteral (involving some degree of make believe or distortion of reality)? Actively engaging? Play is children's work. I want to be a child!
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

Bryan made this volcano installation for Jesus! "Do you think Jesus will be happy?"
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

A jellyfish - all natural! Nature in action!
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

Bryan Lim, 5 year old, a thinker and communicator on P.R.O.J.E.C.T "What children think of nature". "The water I drink is not nature. The water from the river is nature because there's salt. The man put the salt there. They take a boat, two men, they put the salt, then they stir, stir." "I know the water is salty. I smell it!" "Sometimes the seaweed is nature, when it's outside the river." "The paper plate is nature because it is not in the water." JELLYFISH IS NOT NATURE. DUSTBINS ARE. Strange kid with simple hypotheses. At least he thinks people are nature :) yes bryan, God made us :)
Posted by Picasa

2005-11-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

"A child's mind is not an empty vessel waiting to be filled with information. Children are biologically programmed to engage in an active struggle to make sense of their world. Through ordinary life experiences they build their own framework of knowledge. It doesn't need adult-dominated instruction to hurry the process."

Aren't we all child-like in this sense??? Life's mysterious ...

2005-10-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

@ tgif, as we were made to be still and wait upon God to hear from Him ... impressions >>

you know those times you could have prayed for someone who was sick but didn't coz of fear or not knowing wat to do, i didn't ask you to heal, but just pray! (oops gentle rebuke) you are fearfully and wonderfully made. you are like that carousel but you can disembark. activist. love you. green white spotted wall. favored. voice for children. my child. you are also my child. so in all you do, be that. you are not man-made, but God-made, more intricately designed than the stars and nature that you so appreciate. you are my heart's desire. *sob*

2005-10-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

felt irked or rather disturbed that while the rest of the world is in furious rage, or at least as the media portrays such (plus the SMS i received about the pastor in east timor about to be executed), i was kinda forced to hop around idyllic singapore for my centre's staff outing [anti-diabetic factory-soon kueh factory-bak kwa warehouse-wheat grass farm-noodle making factory]. all these gimmicks and aunties who buy them. TOO IDLE. TOO PURPOSELESS. TOO UNFAIR. wished i could be somewhere making a difference ... but neh ...

anywayz, looking at those factory workers who work so systematically like clockwork, not allowed much to talk, interact, who abide by the factory rule of efficiency, dressed the same way, hardly breaking into any smile - one can only guess and hope they are different from the standard mould so typecast of the products their own hands produce. break free. once out of that dread. perhaps they enjoy the stability and standard predictability. perhaps my role was just to smile at the aunties so they can smile back ...

joke of the day:
Q: why does the long grass look up to the short wheat grass?
A: because he is so wheaty! (witty)

anywayz, iris and me decided to do up our lists of frivolous thing (means not so spiritual) we want to do before we die when the bus passed by the science centre and she said she has not visited the omni-max before!

here's my list thought of in a hurry - but it changes from time to time lah, depending what inspires me from moments to moments :) ... not in order of preference ...

1. ride on a hot air balloon (preferably with other hot air balloons also in the sky for dramatic effect)
2. snowboard, skydive, paragliding, white water rafting, climb some mountain
3. go around the world taking photos - sponsored - by National Geographic! - the ideal but most idle job in the whole wide world?
4. get married! (in a hot air balloon, if i feel princessy) have kids! name my son ryan. tell them all my stories if i can remember!
5. complete my diving cert
6. open a reggio emilio christian childcare centre, after visiting reggio emilio
7. visit a farm in provence (be a contented farmer, grow tangerines when i'm retired)
8. learn driving
9. learn to do videos that can impact the world - power of God through media!
10. bring my mum on a trip with my own money
11. learn thai and french, animation, photography (and fall in love with it all over again)
12. design my own house and interiors
13. teach children art in a studio house cum children's library resource area, be that lady in a van that can bring them places ... a portable school!
14. learn the keyboard proper
15. get a dog and cuddle it loads
15. dreaming for my children ... dreaming they will realize at least 75%of their dreams?
16. go on a mission trip
17. go figure out stuff i never figure out ever ... WHY?
18. be idle. like the epitome of all idles. lie down day and night just watching the clouds go by and stars twinkle. just one day. nature - be magnificent for that day.
19. ok maybe another idle day. watch movies and musicals.
20. write a children's book

had a dream today after i managed a 10 hour sleep! thought i would never dream again ... phew!

thought of the day after dinner with iris, jennie and jianwei:
isn't it nice that people still love you in spite of who you are, or rather who you are NOT, "godly" or not so "ungodly" as people would term? that's unconditional love ... and jesus gives that too :)

2005-10-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

found it! the replica in my mind, the promise!
Posted by Picasa